Personal Journal of Kurlund. Universe 117. Entry 1034

At the start of every universal iteration, a type of lottery is conducted. It is known as the Goopy Conjecture. Everyone within the Rondure of Confluence is to guess the time from the beginning of the iteration at which the first land animal the size of a Goopy is observed. The closest guess gets to name the creature. This includes the right to rename the creature if it had been identified and named in a previous universal iteration.

A Goopy of course, was one of the first animals recorded in Universe 001 (The first universal iteration after the Origin). A Goopy is approximately the size of an adult human liver, and quite contrary to its name, looks nothing like the word goop would imply. It was a predatory beast with a short thick body covered with spines. It also had six legs and a raised head. It used an acidic venom to melt its prey into goo before ingesting it. Hence the name Goopy.

Naturally, naming a living thing Goopy, did not sit well with serious scholars. It had been established that the discoverer of any new life form had priority naming rights. Historical categorical nomenclature was expected to be utilized but not required. Goopy was the first to break the mold.  The discord over the name escalated all the way to the High Council.  They upheld the naming rights of the discoverer, but instituted the Goopy Conjecture to appease purist scholars.  Their hope was that a Goopy would evolve rapidly in every universal iteration, and give them an opportunity to rename the creature appropriately.  Not only was their hope unfounded, the publicity the Goopy received inspired others to give ridiculous names to newly discovered life forms.  This led to naming plants and animals after long dead pets, family members, and favorite foods.  Scholars eventually gave up after realizing the infinite diversity of life of not only Universe 001, but each iteration after it.

I am proud to announce that I have won this iteration’s Goopy Conjecture. It is the eleventh instance, that the found creature is one that has been recorded in a prior universal iteration. The creature was named Francine in Universe 022. Its discoverer Jeff, named it after his romantic interest at the time. Francine took offense that such an ugly creature would be named after her. Francine (The creature) most resembled a slow-moving grey rock that oozed a pungent yellow slime.  Needless to say, the relationship did not last.

I’ve been considering a list of possible replacements and have chosen to rename the creature: Mortos the Devourer of Love. Runner up entries on my list included Blobby McBlob Face, The Dirty Meat Cushion, and Jeff.